Freedom from Codependency
“A codependent person is one who has let another person’s behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person’s behavior.”
― Melody Beattie
What is Codependency
Codependency shows up as a continuous need of a person to focus and get involved in fulfilling the needs of another person, in order to be recognized, loved and accepted. This person takes over the responsibility and feels heaviness of that responsibility with inability to let it go.
How does Dependency develop?
Based on what Robert Subby writes in the article about Codependency, this emotional, behavioral and psychological condition develops as the outcome of specific and prolonged exposure to harsh, or tyrranical rules, which leave no space for clear and true communication and expression. It could be connected to living with someone who was chemically dependent, mentally, or emotionally abusive, and more.
Codependency involves the attachment style patterns developed in early childhood, and it can also overlap with other personality disorders, including dependent personality.Codependents often come from dysfunctional families but they deny the facts about it.
Codependent person allows another person to affect her feelings on different levels of life experience. This person could be a romantic partner, but it doesn’t have to. It could be a parent, grandparent, any family member, mentally or physically ill person, friend, coworker, and boss.
When a codependent person stops connection with problematic person, they will go right into another, similar relationship with another person.
Here are some characteristics of codependent person:
- People pleasing
- Over-responsibility for other people’s feelings
- Difficulty saying no
- Poor boundaries
- Conflict avoidance
- Control issues
- Low self-esteem
- Compulsive caretaking, rescuing or trying to fix others
- Struggles with intimacy
- Attraction to toxic relationships
- Anxiety, self-pity, guilt
- Anger, when help doesn’t work
- Sadness, that they give and never receive, although they are unable to accept help
- Find people with all different issues and needs being attracted to them
- create (unconsciously) crisis, so they feel they need to solve problems
- Blame others for the place they are in
- Feel victimized
Codependents tend to have a low-self-esteem. They are over criticizing. They get defensive and angry if someone criticizes them. They fear rejection. They were emotionally, sexually or physically abused, neglected, or abandoned. They are afraid of making mistakes and believe that they don’t deserve happiness, or don’t ever felt happy. Codependents feel obsessive about other people. They worry a lot. They want to control others and fear the loss of control. They manipulate others with emotions, guilt, shame, threatening, and anger. They also feel controlled by others. Codependent are very bad in communicating what they feel. They allow and build resentments and hold secrets. They don’t trust in what they feel. They might feel very stressed and depressed.
How Can Life Coaching could Help?
First and most important part of becoing free from codependency is the detachment and shift of the focus from the outside, to the inner-self. Codependents feel overly entangled, obsessed and worried about others. That creates chaos and inability to live own life.
Detachment is not about withdrawal, or pushing away, rather it’s about disengaging from others and the problem of others. Each person holds responsiblity for themselves. Codependent person will work with creating new daily habits of self-focus and allowing others to grow by taking responsibility for themselves. It will feel awkward at the beginning but it will progress to feeling of freedom from the heaviness.
Part of the detachment is connected to living Mindfully, being here and now. Its a Body, Mind and Spirit journey.
Codependents live in the pattern based on the codependency triangle. They tend to be rescuers, who also persecute and then become victims. Leaving this triangulation pattern is connected to becoming fully independent. It seems impossible at the beginning to stop enabling, being helpless and small.
We will work on expanding personal growth, by encouragement to get involved in separate interests, developing trust, strengthening communication skills and openness to share. We will work on building self-esteem to loose jealously, possessiveness or fear of competition. Work with acceptance and self-love.
Life Coaching Process
Your first step is to call and schedule your initial appointment.
Startig with initial conversation/assessmet we will have an opportunity to gain understanding and goals. In addition, we will be able to answer any of your questions. With your best interests in mind, you will decide together what next steps to take.
At the end of your first session, if you decide to move forward and work with Life Coach, you will be asked to schedule further appointments.
We offer one-on-one and group coaching on Freedom from Codependency. Check our our Program.
You can book 5, or 10 sessions package here.
Call +1 708 436 4493 and speak to Ania Haas to learn more or schedule an appointment.
The Benefits of Codependency Recovery
- Clear Communication
- Confidence + Self-esteem
- Better Relationships
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